My body received a huge dose of poison. Not just 1 poison either I had 5 in total. Different chemo drugs do slightly different things. It’s all bio molecular chemistry at the end of the day. To treat aggressive cancer cells they have to wack your body with these chemicals that will kill them.
I am down with that.
Kill the little bastards !
No more cancer is what we want.
What I had no idea about was what that was going to be like on my body.
Every treatment is tailored. Every body is different. Your reactions will depend on your body and a range of factors.
Well the only thing that didn’t get destroyed this week was my spirit. My body took a massive knock.
I was admitted to hospital on Sunday night with Neutropenic sepsis. So yes I was pretty ill. We ought to be very grateful for our amazing NHS. When it works it works brilliantly. They did what they needed to do to get me back home in my own bed. There has been a lot of IV bags. Tons of injections and shed load of tablets. But my neutrophils are back up to a healthy 15. They went down to 0.7 which is obviously pretty dire.
I’m still not having a great day. If I move I’m sick but I am home and I actually managed to get some sleep which is just what your body needs.
I have lost about half a stone in weight but truthfully wouldn’t recommend this diet !
Me and Jedi Mickey Mouse are staying in bed. I have my kindle and a real book for if I feel up to doing more than just lying still lol. Mum is coming in to make me some lunch. I’ve been dreaming about food but not sure what my body will stomach. The chips and gravy might have to wait.
So what have I learnt this week.
- Don’t make plans – from now on it’s going to have to be day by day.
- The NHS are amazing and the staff on Oncology so great. They are kind and patient and it really makes the whole experience so much better. Big big thank you to anyone I know in nursing …. you guys are amazing.
- I need to pack an emergency hospital bag. I hope I won’t need it but if I do end up in hospital I need supplies.
- Big girl pants are great but granny pants are the most comfy and when you are lay on a hospital bed you don’t care how attractive they are ! ha ha
- Hospital food is worse than aeroplane food.
I have some truly wonderful people in my life. I hope I have told them often how much that means. I intend to do that more now because their small acts or words of kindness, love and support have really helped me keep my positive attitude in place.
I am mentally far tougher and naturally happy and positive than I ever ever really knew. I knew I was but even I have been amazed at my own ability to remain so calm and optimistic. Honestly I would have totally forgiven myself this week for crying and feeling miserable but that didn’t happen. The nurses around me all week have said I have been a ray of sunshine on the ward despite the situation. I am convinced I have gained some strange Jedi like powers.
Work and other things in life will have to take a back seat at times. There will be points these are welcome distractions but there will be days I can’t focus on anything but this battle.
Me and Mickey are staying put.
Don’t send cake.
Send soup !!