“So I have some tough news to tell.
I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
Don’t ask me any complex questions…. I don’t know the answers yet.
My family and closest friends know but I am waiting to tell my kids until I know more. They can enjoy Christmas first at any rate.
For me I know I can’t keep this bottled up…. I need to be able to face it, write about it, talk about it, share and fight it !!
There will be tough times ahead but I am determined to kick this in the arse and those of you who know me well know I am a pretty determined person. I’m a fighter. This will become part of my story down the line and one day I will be planning another Charity Do to raise funds for Breast Cancer as a Survivor.
Ok so I know it’s a shock. But it’s ok. I can do this and I know I have so many people who have got my back.”
I received probably the most comments & interactions on a post that I have ever had on my facebook wall. Over 100 comments from friends & family & some of these made me cry. That week I realise now (writing this a month later) I was in shock. That I functioned at all is a minor sort of miracle. I think that sheer willpower carried me through.
I stepped out of the door of the Breast Unit at my local hospital and the first thing I said was “Thank God it’s me not one of my kids.”
I had taken a friend with me that day. A friend from work. If I was honest now I would admit there was this niggling worry that it was more than simply an infection that had made me speak to my GP and instigate the mammagram (that I am otherwise too young to have been scheduled for routinely). I had this niggling doubt that the months of not feeling great but not being able to explain why, that the ache in my right breast area that had made me strip the wires out of one side of my two favourite bra’s, that had made me have a full blood work up worried I had become diabetic or had liver issues were all adding up to something but Cancer isn’t a word you go to easily so I had pushed it into the Nope that isn’t happening corner of my brain and convinced myself it was surely nothing serious.
The moment that consultant walked into the little room and I looked at his face I realised that my niggling doubt was the worst it could be. It was Cancer. It’s that word – lets face it, it scares the hell out of us. So I didn’t think or hear anything for around 20 minutes as my brain screamed in horror. Then the crash came in and the plan started to form.
I now know with absolute certainty that in a crisis I am that person you want in your corner. I am a fixer. I am a problem solver. There is only challenges to overcome not problems that can’t be solved. There is a fighter in me.
I went straight to work and I held a meeting with all the company staff. 2 hours after receiving my diagnosis I said the words out loud. “I have Breast Cancer”. Inside I cried a little while I looked at the faces of the team I work with and saw the shock. That is a look I have come to see a few times since then and I have become accomplished at reassuring the wearer of it that everything will be ok. I am a fighter.
I am that girl who cancer will wish it hadn’t bothered messing with.
That day even though I was in shock I decided that there was no other way for me to deal with this than be me.
Be a fighter.
Be bold and bright.
I have Breast Cancer. I will fight it. I will be as positive as possible. I will tell my story.