The reality of chemo and cancer is that it robs you of life, of time. It makes the very normal things difficult. You want to just carry on and do normal like school runs & making dinner but you are reduced to concentrating on eating & drinking and managing to cope with just that whilst not being sick. You are reduced to aches, pains and dioreah. Ive checked the shit scale. I am a no 6 which is sort of hysterical. First that there is even a scale and secondly that you care where you rank because that’s what life has been reduced to. You would think after almost a decade of kid poo I would be ok with it but really I don’t want to even care about it I just want normal. Normal life and normal poo. Cancer !!! Who knew it would ever be a thing about poo.
But tonight I am feeling positive. The shit scale needs a review. Because tonight everything in the world feels perfect, my kids are around. They are without a doubt my why ! They make me get through the tough bits even when they are not with me.
Hanging out in bed eating grapes & Kit Kat while we watch Mythbusters might seem like a very unexciting thing but it is actually wonderful. Perfect in fact. This is the normal stuff that even in these few weeks I have missed so much.
My eldest was so cute. He made me a mug of tea with biscuits which he cut into hearts & even cleaned up the mess. Love is a small gesture that says I love you. Can’t believe how grown up my eldest is. He seems to be growing up even more during this experience even though I know he is finding it stressful and hard to be away from me. I am close to both my children. Which is lovely. We are a great little team. I think they are training my parents in their little ways, like how to make the perfect toast really well though. We are all so lucky to have a great family group. You need your family to help you get through. Your family and friends, your why, your support team. Because when life becomes reduced to just getting through the brutal days you will want to know someone is there for you.
I am feeling blessed for my why and my team, plus so far I have managed not to end up in hospital this chemo round up to this point. Always positives.
Update 2 days later. – Sadly the poison is starting to hit me. I must admit tonight isn’t a feeling well one. I am experiencing the shivers, shakes, crippling stomach pains, dioreah, nausea, dry mouth, mouth ulcers, ache all over and head hurts. This is the reality of chemo. I’m badass I can take this ….. just wish it didn’t feel quite so shit. I phoned hospital and plan is to avoid trip in…. monitoring temp and they are calling back to check on me.
Once again our NHS are amazing. The staff so kind and compassionate.
The kids are being so awesome. Come on I can do this ….. lay down a lot lol.
Update – ended up in hospital and it was a little dramatic – see next post