Well there is always a positive as I say and here is one happy cat. He is totally happy that I am hanging out in bed a lot lol. He keeps checking to see I am ok then off he goes to find somewhere nice to sleep.
I feel better today than yesterday so slowly I am recovering from Chemo Round 1 and the subsequent unexpected trip to Hospital.
I am hungry today too for the first time in ages so have ordered a nice sarnie to be delivered by a couple of work mates who are coming over.
I have some work to do and can’t face sitting doing it so have back up on it’s way. I will talk my young apprentice through the process. Ah no literally it is one of our apprentices lol. Not a bad time for me to be putting some of what I currently do into work process and procedure so all in all not a bad thing to be doing.
I am missing seeing everyone at work. I truly do have a great job and great team I work with. We work hard but get along and it’s part of my every day life now that role so not being there is sort of weird. Some of the team are travelling to Aberdeen today for an Expo that I have spent more than a year organising. Part of me is gutted that I am not actually going to be there but I know they will do an amazing job and can’t wait to see all the photos etc.
And don’t nobody lecture me on not thinking about work … it matters to me and is part of what I do and of course it’s family so telling me to not think about it isn’t going to happen. In fact I’m off to browse through my new Marketing Branding book just for fun lol.
I am also feeling very loved. I had two parcels to open from friends.
One of my friends has made me this gorgeous bag which I plan to put my goodies in just in case I end up back on the ward at any point over the next few months. It’s totally beautiful and I will use it lots in fact I am going to use it as my potential hospital keep everything in bag. Just in case.
Another totally amazing friend of mine sent a pile of feel happy things that I love. Cake and colouring with positive messages just love it.
Also had a visit from work team mates. Best bit of that was winding up with clean bedding on ! Mad though it may seem right now I am so physically drained the effort of putting clean bedding on was too much to contemplate so having someone who didn’t mind when I asked if they would put a new fresh clean cover on my duvet was totally worth its weight in gold. I am learning to accept these small gestures.
I really want another bath but know I’m too shaky to cope right now so that can wait.
I do feel better than I did yesterday but know I can’t push myself too much.
I have 10 days to get as fit as possible for round 2.
It finally sunk in when they said aggressive treatment they really meant it. I knew it. I heard it but let’s face it I didn’t know realistically what that meant. It meant aggressive. It meant push your body to its limits. It will too. It’s going to be way tougher than I think I had hoped in my mind. I was aiming for best possible lol.
But what I do know is that deep down inside I have this unquestionable faith in my positive spirit to endure. I will keep smiling. I will keep laughing. I will keep being me. No matter how physically demanding on my body I will carry on with as much humour and positivity as I can.
That might mean a lot of sleep.
The only thing that would worry me is my kids. Knowing they are fine and happy and having a wee holiday at Grandma’s is such a weight off my shoulders. It means I can concentrate on just getting through.
Doing a bit of work today floored me. It’s been rough night with me not feeling quite as good as I did when I woke up. Fighting the waves of nausea and light headedness. Truthfully I just want to go to sleep. Rest, heal and recover.
Is it bed time yet ?
Tomorrow is always another day.