Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway – I have my Surgery Date

I have my surgery date.

Not going to lie…. logically I’m not worried. The surgeon is one of the best in the country. His team are great. I have all the gory information. I’ve seen photos. I know what to expect in probably more detail than most people would like and I’m kinda squeamish so let’s just say it isn’t too pretty but they do these a lot and I am confident it will be fine.

I’m still really scared. That may seem illogical given the faith I have in the surgeon etc but my head may be confident my heart is wobbling and crying. I’m petrified.

Does that seem irrational?

Have you had surgery? We’re you scared?

I’m in a positive strong place in so much of my battle with cancer but I always knew there were things that might scare me…. mostly needles in general and the surgery. I wasn’t scared by the treatment, or machines etc but the surgery petrifies me!

ok so maybe it’s a momentary thing. Once I’ve got over the collywibbles I will be fine.

It’s got to happen.
There’s no other option.

It’s a good thing. It’s cutting damaged tissue out and right now there’s no magic DNA treatment to make those bad cells healthy again. I hope there is in the future. For now this is the best answer. I know that and feel positive about it being part of the process of saving my life. But the fear of the actual procedure, actual surgery is still very real.

Later there will be a six million dollar moment when I get rebuilt. Bionic boobs would be something cool lol. For now it’s surgery and the surgery scares me. Maybe It’s the loosing a part of you? Ironic that it’s a part of me that helped feed and nourish two babies. Will I feel less scared at the point where it’s time to rebuild? I think it’s just the actual operation bit the whole being in theatre that scares me.

Anyway there were a few tears. My release valve opened up and worked it’s cathartic magic and I’m back to smiling now. Just waiting for my friday night fish n chips delivery from my Dad.

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