I won’t let Cancer beat me but truthfully the Chemo and subsequent sepsis knocked me about this week in a way I couldn’t have imagined and did not see coming. My body took a proper beating. I’ve broken bones, I’ve had pneumonia, I have been in hospital ill but never have I felt like I did this week. I did suffer a temporary high at the start but then have no words for how it felt when it crashed. Obviously I now know the spots were a symptom of septic infection and I suffered a septic crash. We have all heard horror stories about that and all I will say is that I am very grateful for the medical service we have available to us in the UK. I probably have a habit like most people of putting the belt and braces on and keeping going and trying not to look or act as bad as we feel but I will freely admit I was very ill this week. I am realising there will be no honour in belting it up but admitting instead that I need rest and recovery to allow myself the strength to get through. It clearly takes a lot to break my spirit and this won’t. This fight will be a lot about my ability to endure and keep laughing no matter what and well my Jedi powers have kicked in now.
I won’t give up fighting. I am sure my positivity and spirit helped me battle this week. Is it odd that I seem to emotionally upbeat when physically I’m so wrecked? Maybe if my spirit wasn’t so positive I would be in a much worse physical state. There’s a thought.
Every day I will get stronger. I do now realise how physically tough this is going to be on my body so I think I am slowly realising I may need to do more of the being kickarse from lay down or at least resting. I keep reminding myself that is ok. I am literally fighting for my life.
Ha I was wrong ! In the back of my head I heard the words about aggressive treatment and lots of chemo chemicals and really resting but the image I had of me bumbling about at home doing stuff and watching movies was totally wrong. Yup bed sleeping trying not to vomit is a bit closer to the truth. Hopefully not a hospital trip each time.
Being positive is clearly part of my DNA. Like I was born with an inate ability and this seems to have kicked that into overdrive. That isn’t an act. But the force has awoken and I am now Jedi !!!! 🤣😂. Seems odd but like never before I feel so in tune with my mind. Calm and positive strength flows through my veins and I know I want to spread that positive message outwards. Tell people that no matter what life throws at you there is a positive to find.
Today’s positive was seeing my kids. Even if I did have to stay at arms length as one of them was ill. I did get to jump in the bath too while they were here.
Then the world consumed me and the physical energy zapped right away. I’m not sure I fell asleep as much as simply passed out and didn’t come to until 14 hours later.
I am so happy my parents are around to step in and be super grandparents right now and look after the kids for me.
My cat is happy I am hanging out in bed a lot.
I’m happy that I get to recover in my own bed.
I forgot I shouldn’t wash my hair while I am still in the bath lol so might have pink healthy glow right now but happy I got to have that long awaited bath and properly wash my hair.