Round 2 Bring it on !!!
I am nervous today. If you watch the video I think it says it all. I am not sure if it’s easier when you know nothing or if now I know what is coming that makes it worse.
In some ways I think because I ended up in hospital Round 1 it is making me a little worried about Round 2. I am determined not to try and repeat the trip to hospital this time but I also had my meeting with the consultant and I know we can’t pull back on the treatment. I wouldn’t want them too either. Killing the cancer is what matters ….. but that means the risk of a reaction is still there. So I had the collywobbles this morning and the tears were a part of that.
I think what is obvious though is that I am prepared. The big girl pants are pulled up. There might be some tears now and then but that is all part of the process. I have said it before. Only the dead don’t feel.
It is ok to be scared. It is ok to be brave. It is ok to feel.
In fact my life is reduced pretty much to some very basic things right now. How I feel physically and how I feel emotionally are my focus. Work has fallen off my radar. My job which I love and can’t wait to get back to became secondary to just coping with not being well. Normally when we are ill it is a pretty temporary thing. A flu, a tummy bug and we sort of hope that we never have to cope with either serious injury or illness. Knowing you are going to feel ill for ages takes some adjusting to. I had of course hoped for less ill and more manageable ….. fingers crossed for this round eh !