Positivity and Jedi like powers.
I just wanted to reassure everyone of my state of mind. Don’t worry I’m still totally bonkers.
I’m realising everyone is concerned about me which is really amazing and strengthening. Your positive thoughts are a cushion of strength.
But please be reassured it’s my body taking a knocking not my smile.
I have since being diagnosed with Cancer developed Jedi like powers. These include a sense of calm in the whole process. That might sound mad because given the circumstances I don’t think anyone would forgive me for feeling down but I don’t.
I know the process is not going to be easy physically but truthfully I’m facing it with an upbeat and positive attitude. More than I think anyone might expect. That’s me being honest and me being me. I feel mentally really strong and positive. Totally kickarse . Just need my body to do the same lol.
I hadn’t expected to wind up in hospital obviously this week but I’m still mentally calm. It’s not a great Hotel and the food is dire but I’m still laughing and smiling. I was still laughing at the whole thing this morning after passing out. I know I am a nutter but really come on you didn’t expect normal from me did you. I’ve been making my elderly neighbours smile at my fluffy slippers and the staff too.
I have had visitors too. There are always positives. My very good friend and godmother to my kids brought some treats in for me and honestly just having a big hug from a friend was a really good positive in the day.
That’s when I’m not snoozing. My body is fighting hard and that’s draining but it’s ok I can just snooze the day away dreaming about bubble baths and food…. chips and gravy, fruit salad, cheesecake, pizza loaded with stringy cheese …..
I have always had a good sixth sense. I have always had an ability to be quite self aware. I do not know if this is unusual or not. I have always found paths in my life to explore my emotions and my sanity. I am also painfully aware of how many people wrap themselves in negative emotions and seem unable to find positive solutions.
I am slowly realising that if there has to be a reason for why things happen then the reason for me having Cancer may be to try and be a light in the world against that negativity. I have always been that light I just did not really have an opportunity to really shine it out and tell people that no matter what happens in life there are always positives to look for. I don’t think people should judge themselves harshly for negative emotions. Without the negatives there would be no positives. We have to be able to feel sadness to be able to experience joy. Only the dead feel no sadness, pain or negativity. It is normal and healthy to feel and experience a full range of emotion. What is important is that we do not let the negative emotions drag us into a place where we see no light in the world.
I think that is why we like being around happy, calm and positive people. They make us in turn see the brightness in every day. Every day life can be sort of boring. It is not filled with adventure and excitement. More often than not every day life is filled with the routine of living. Getting up, getting your family up, working, earning, cleaning, shopping, cooking, eating, caring for your loved ones. The thing is these every day things can have joy in them. A trip to the supermarket with the children doesn’t have to be a sad event. There are times my budget has been really tight but our trip to the supermarket was still fun. I made it fun. The quick stop at the park afterwards to eat bread and ham straight from the bag was a highlight to our day.
My biggest hope in all this is that I continue to shine and if that inspires others to embrace the positive side of their lives and emotions then that is a great thing.
So don’t worry I’m still smiling through it all and will continue to no matter what my physical symptoms.
The force is strong within me.
And I found a substitute for cake!! Tea trolley biscuits!