I am sat at home waiting for Round 2 to hit me hoping and hoping for no repeat trip to hospital. To keep myself busy and occupied I have been trying to get organised with some things to do, work things and books, magazines and experimenting with hats & scarfs. The lack of hair is totally weird. My head feels really strange, slightly cold and weirdly stubbly. I looked up some YouTube video’s on how to tie scarfs up. I have a ton of them but I usually wear them around my neck lol.
I am really tired today. I need a bath but I ache quite a bit. I want to just sleep and rest and recover but I totally stink. It is strange how little decisions suddenly become a really big deal. Like do I get out of bed and run a bath ! Big decision.
So today I mostly wanted to sit in my bed & have someone else run the bath while I just watch TV. Plus have someone to come make poached eggs. It is really strange how life is reduced to such small concerns.
So I did run the bath and then had a hysterical laugh when I went to bathroom and peaked into the empty bath. The bath looks like someone shaved their legs and left black hairs everywhere…. cracked me up when I realised they are off my head. So it might have been shaved but it is still falling out. It is just that the hair falling out is now short stubbly hair.
Always a laugh in my world.
I do feel sort of ropey but temp is a cool 37.1 which is ok. I am still waiting for the delayed reaction. I am hoping there isn’t going to be one but I am a little bit scared too. Having been there once I would be lying if I did not admit that I really don’t want another trip into hospital.
For now the best I can do is accomplish the little things. Medication and injection is done for the day and I am feeling accomplished for just doing that and managing the bath.
I think it is time to snuggle with a book and let the rest of the world outside be busy.
Perhaps this is all part of the journey. Realising it’s ok sometimes to just accomplish little things because the big fight is all inside is really quite empowering. You don’t have to be superwoman all the time…. I’m doing that just lay down today.
I shared my most recent blog entry on LinkedIn and woke to a whopping 3487 views and a ton of great comments. It was the head shave gallery btw which granted is pretty hysterical.
You really do have to find all the positives that you can. Like for example I think I rock hats ! There’s a good positive ! Planning a collection could be fun.
Here is another positive – I ordered a fire tv for a spare tv we had at work which I’ve purloined to install in my bedroom. Previously a banned contraption for bedrooms I will renegade on that particular rule just on this occasion. Never previously imagined would be hanging out quite so much in my bedroom but bed is just ace ! No still not getting a hospital one but have been secretly eyeing up cool beds with gadgets lol.
So tonight I will leave you with the hat my awesome dad brought me back from London. He was laughing so much when he handed it over.
I love my family and love my dad’s humour. My family are holding my life together in a really big way at the moment. While I worry about the big decisions like do I get in the bath my mum is feeding my kids, my work team are holding our family business together and my friends and colleagues are all rallying around giving me support which is amazing.
Cancer really turns your life upside down but it does not have to diminish you, the person you are. Keep looking for the positives and keep smiling & finding moments of happiness. Like a silly woolly hat or a lovely warm bath to sink into. Or even a great new TV series to get your teeth into.